Post Bhakti Fest: In Supreme Being

My auspicious dream:
I am Arjuna.
I am watching a deer and and a mongoose in a frenetic chase. They chase round and round and round, exhausted, unceasing.

I say to Krishna, "When will they stop?"
He says "Never. They will chase until they die."

I bow, on my knees in prayer.
Krishna says "So, do you want to enter the chase? Or do you want to stay with me?"
"I definitely want to stay with you", I say.
"Then embed yourself in my lining", he says.
And I do.

I awaken feeling both shaken and gifted by this mighty dream. I understand that like an embryo, my thriving soul life depends on embedding in the womb of God, in the heart of Supreme Being. My growth, my dwelling place here is my priority. This is the only posture through which I can enter the marketplace without a chase to the death.

Any other intuitive hits on my dream? I love to hear them.
Have you had any potent, unforgettable dreams lately...that are itching to be witnessed?
Call on me. That is one of my specialties and delights! A Dream Leaping we will go!
YAY!

The Real Journey Home

Tonight is Harvest Full Moon in Jupiter (expansion and opportunity). With the Moon, reflecting our inner life and deep feminine mysteries, this Equinox window, invites us to give thanks for all we have harvested in our lives, and amplify prayers for future fruition. May we give equal respect and embracement to both light and dark aspects of our lives and our world.

Holding a space of equanimity, while letting go of toxic behaviors, relationships, agreement fields and patterns, refreshes our ability to earnestly pray for the new beginnings and opportunities that will support the flourishing of our hearts and lives.

My prayer for all of us at this auspicious time begins with finding our way home and letting our hearts lead the way.

I woke up the other morning feeling disoriented... totally and utterally lost, actually. I wrote in my gratitude and goal journals, and rose to meet the day. By the time I went out on my favorite running meditation loop, it was already in the triple digits. But hey, I was already burning inside - I figured I could formalize it and have the elements cook me out of my head as well. And that they did.

The first couple of miles snaked through dense Sonoran desert arollo. I was graced by the medicine of lizards, quail, rabbits and roadrunners. I know my way instinctively through these trails, and recognize the curves of the canyon, like my own body. Then, the loop climbs out of the canyon and onto a high foothills neighborhood with gorgeous, monstrous homes.

Holding the space of equanimity, I transitioned from the unity of nature to the duality of the marketplace. I was in a maze of streets and grid of suburbia. It is beautiful, don't get me wrong. Bougainvillea blooming in bright fuchsias, reds and purples, majestic saguaros and ocotillos reaching skyward and landscaping abundant with bubbling water features surrounded me. And spectacular mountain views!

The funny thing is that the loop returns to my house on a sort of convoluted route, that no matter how many times I take it "seems" misdirected. By my mental compass, it appears to be taking me in the "wrong" direction, yet by my heart intuition, I know, it is the "right" way. Even though I feel I might be lost, it inevitably leads me "home," every time.

There is no guilt or shame in this metaphor, of losing and finding our way, of being confused and disoriented on a life path. There is simply a burning to find the essence, and return home, again and again. That is the heart of my sadhana. That is the heart of my full moon prayer for us and that is the segue into the wisdom story I am about to share with you.

I call it the touchstone story. It is based on a true story, told by Radhanath Swami at BhaktiFest, and retold today, innovated with my biases and filters. Regardless, it comes with love. May you take from it whatever is yours to receive.

There was once a wise holy man who was formally a very wealthy consultant to a prime minister. He had accumulated financial treasures, land, homes, livestock and wealth beyond measure. He was highly respected and sought after for his counsel. He reached a point of awakening on his life journey where devotion and the love of God became primary. He chose to relinquish his worldly responsibilities in the marketplace.

The prime minister who depended on his counsel was furious and imprisoned him, so that he could maintain access to him, expanding his own wealth and power. Finally, this holy man escaped the prison. He became a fugitive, running from the law, giving up everything he had earned and known, in order to have his God life.

He ran to safety and found sanctuary under the shade of a mango tree far, far away. There he lived on top of a hill under a tree, in total devotion and communion with the divine. Now, there was a villager who wanted wealth and success above all else. In his ambitious search for a better life, he came across a seer who told him of this holy man and the "touchstone" he had in his possession that would turn everything into gold. The villager set out to find him and did. When he approached the holy man, he was surprised to see that he was a simpleton, in a loin cloth, somehow happy, even ecstatic with just being under this tree.

He said to him, "I hear you have a touchstone. But if you do, why do you live so simply and have no signs of wealth around you?"

The holy man replied that he had infinite wealth, beyond measure, and had no use for the touchstone anymore.

"Well, "said the Villager, "I want wealth, I want money and fame and success. Where is that touchstone? Can I have it?" "Yes, you can," said the holy man. "It is in that large heap of garbage on the other side of the hill, near the river."

The villager, ran to the garbage heap and dove in, searching madly for the touchstone. He sorted through all kinds of funk and rot until he found the touchstone! He frantically ran down the hill and went on to amass gold, homes, land, abundant wealth, and fame. He was surrounded by more wealth than he ever could have imagined or dreamed of, yet he was still not happy. He went back to the sacred hill and found the holy man once again...still sitting in ecstasy, at one with God.

The villager said, "Holy man, I have all this wealth, but I am still not happy. What is it that YOU have? I want what you have. If you gave up this touchstone and all the wealth that came with it, surely, you must have something better. I want it. "

The holy man smiled and said, "I will gladly give you what I have, but you must be willing to let go of the touchstone. You must be willing to throw it in the river. Can you do that?"

"I don't know," said the villager. I have never had it so well. I have so much wealth and power. What if it does not get any better than this? I don't know if I can throw away the touchstone." After working with his own greed, fear and attachment, the villager finally plunged the touchstone into the river and came running back to the holy man. "I am ready", he said, "Give me what you have. Give me what is better."

The holy man gave him the Maha Mantra: Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare, which promised eternal, unlimited, ecstatic communion with the Divine.

According to Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupâda, "Chanting this mantra brings transcendental consciousness...this maha-mantra, or the Great Chanting for Deliverance, brings one into divine
ecstasy. "

And so, this is the heart of the wisdom story...whatever your path, mantra, prayer or practice, find one that is a direct taproot to the ONE. Are you willing to give up what you thought was the best thing in life, relationships, reality you ever had...for something better? For the only real and everlasting love?

What, if anything have you settled for in your life, believing it is the best it can ever get? Have you settled for an egoic drive, a limiting paradigm, a toxic mimic of real truth, real love, real possibility of awakening?

Where, if at all, have you lied to or betrayed yourself, self-medicated or agreed to stay in a comfortable yet medicocre state? Where, if at all, could you let go, surrender
and dive deeper into your own embodiment of divine love, light and communion? You decide.
Your heart knows the way home.

Me? That touch stone is deep in the bottom of the river. And though I may find another, and another, I will keep tossing them away and going for the real touchstone and only lasting treasure of the heart...the eternal presence.

Radhanath Swami says "Real spiritual life is not necessarily about changing our position in society. It is about transforming our hearts....overcoming selfishness and learning the beauty and art of seva, selfless service...Spirituality is meant to transform arrogance into humility, greed into generosity, vengeance into forgiveness, hate into love, criticism into appreciation, hopelessness into hopefulness...It is meant to transform us into becoming instruments of the inner peace that is in our heart with God...That is the real journey home."

This full moonrise, I will be chanting the maha mantra. I will be honoring the marketplace as well as the natural world with equanimity. I will open a space to embody the divine marriage of both material and spiritual wealth. I will pray to utilize the embodiment of that abundant wealth to serve the world, from a full and healthy heart.

Your Second Chance at LIFE is Here, Now.

Lately the offering of heartache as blessing has been strong in my psychic/dreaming space. Today's post comes with loving intentions that it will touch a place in you that needs to bloom open.

Five years ago, in 2005 I was pregnant. I was thrilled, terrified, excited and awed. At 13 weeks , just past my first trimester, I started bleeding and over the course of the next 24 hours, painfully labored and miscarried.

The mystery of life and death moved through me. I plummeted into a deep depression and crisis of faith. I found myself grief stricken, broken hearted, confused and angry. For the next many months, I found it challenging to get out of bed and face the day. Residing in the world of the living felt hard and heavy and I wished at times that life would just go on without me.

Thanks to the love of community and engagement in creative expression and sacred movement I was able to embrace this passage with breath. It was a dark wormhole of transformation. I cried an ocean of tears during that time and I often wondered if my true joy and trust in life would ever return.

That season:

• I humbly learned that being in "God's Grace" did not mean always having "my way".
  


• I discovered that my broken heart was more of a being broken open. My capacity to love, was expanded beyond measure.
  


• I embraced and honored the sober reality of death and the temporal nature of so many aspects of life on Earth.
  


• I was returned to the Source of what is Eternal.
  


• I was able to see, even in the depths of it, that I was being held in grace all along, and that this devastating experience was actually an offering. As beloved sister, teacher, Vanessa Stone would say, it was my perfect prescription for awakening.

That miscarriage was my first intimate experience with death. Moving with and through that process deepened me spiritually and matured me emotionally. It served my evolution in countless ways, that in turn, allow me to serve others. Death and loss became my calling to life... to fully receiving and being alive.

For many months I grappled with fears. I was afraid to open up and trust life and love again. I was afraid of pregnancy. Would I even be able to conceive? Would I be able to carry full term? Could I handle going through this ordeal again? Would I ever get another chance?

There was a turning point where I tuned into a cellular wisdom that said that as long as I was still breathing, it was my responsibility to give my best to life. I remember weeping while listening to Second Chance, a song by Deva Premal and Miten. It pierced right through me and spoke directly to my heart... (Take a listen). My fetus had died. The dream of how that particular reality might unfold had died...but I was still alive. I realized that as long as I was still living, I belonged to life! This was my second chance. Right here, right now.

And so, I became a devotee of life. DEVOTED...to the core.

Fast forward to last week, March 31, 2010. Kenya, Talia and I attended an amazing Kirtan concert of Krishna Das and Deva Premal and Miten. We all relaxed into a sweet communion of devotional chanting. At one point, Miten started strumming that beautiful song... "And my heart whispered inside, the moon rose and the angels sighed...and they said,
Here comes your second chance, you better believe it. Open up and receive it...Take a deep breath, this is your second chance." In a flash of memory and a flood of tears, the entire experience I just shared swept through my heart, bursting it open even more. I had come full circle. My 3 year old daughter was cuddled sleeping on my lap. I had gotten my second chance at pregnancy, at motherhood, at life. In total trust, in pure love, in deep gratitude, I wept and sang my way through the rest of the concert.

Whatever the circumstances of our heartache, we all endure our darkest nights. And, with grace, we do come out the other side. Perhaps, like me, you have discovered that we are capable of accessing infinite "second chances". As Miten said last week, "every deep breath is a second chance". As long as we are alive, it is never too late to detangle knots of contraction, worry, or fear...To dislodge clogs of grudge, bitterness or hurt...To soften a hardened heart and surrender...To receive ourselves as devotees of life as we move on as love. This awesome great mystery of life, of living and dying all within eternal being, is a boundless well of blessing and opportunity.

What does your heart whisper inside? Need a second chance? Here it is...

"...And we all come and go like waves in the sea each with our own responsibility to leave this world more beautiful than we found it..."

From Doubt To Devotion

Today's One Love Nugget goes out to a sister who wrote in about taking action on her Big Visions. She writes "I must acknowledge the part of myself that fears and doubts. As the part of me that dwells in possibility grows larger everyday, there is still a valid part that is scared and unsure. Gabriela, do you have any suggestions for assuring this part that everything is ok?"

This question is universal. I don't know anyone on the planet who doesn't have moments of fear and doubt. On this miraculous life journey, it is natural, human and humbling to have moments of fear and doubt. Sometimes there is wisdom and valuable insight to discover in our fears or doubts that can support us in redirecting, or reevaluating details of our visions. Journal, writing out a dialogue with these parts or speak out loud in the loving witness of a creative companion or intimate friend. Go ahead and HAVE your fears, so that they don't "have" you. Often when we speak these voices, their gifts are revealed and the energetic charge, that otherwise halts our progress, loses steam and dissolves. In a nutshell, yes, all parts ARE valid, so let every one of them drink of the love, even the scared, self doubting ones. This will enrich your journey with the WHOLE of you being honored and included.

On a more meta level, sometimes my fears and doubts are a sign to me that I need to plug back into my Source. Reconnecting to the Genius that moves through us and staying surrendered there often puts everything into perspective and restores peace. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love gives an excellent talk about nurturing the genius of creativity.

My perpetually reSOURCEful friend, River, recently shared with me that , Louise Hay, Affirmation-Healing expert, found that "I approve of myself" was one of the most powerful mantras she had seen in action. I have been integrating it and find it stops self doubt in its tracks. My energy immediately, shifts from monkey mind to meta mind.

Speaking of monkeys...become like Hanuman, he is the embodiment of divine love, "compassion in action, devotion in motion." Hanuman directed all his energy towards merging with Ram (also known here as the God of your heart). Becoming like Hanuman means embodying the unlimited power that lies within us as we merge with our Source. We can be held and allied here as doubt redirects into devotion to our divine expression as an act of service.

Join me, "put your feet into the river, give your life to something bigger" and let me know if this helps assure the whole of you that everything is beyond OK, and right in the sweet spot. Follow your heart, trust your genius and Godspeed ahead...