Showing posts with label transformation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transformation. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Real Journey Home


Tonight is Harvest Full Moon in Jupiter (expansion and opportunity). With the Moon, reflecting our inner life and deep feminine mysteries, this Equinox window, invites us to give thanks for all we have harvested in our lives, and amplify prayers for future fruition. May we give equal respect and embracement to both light and dark aspects of our lives and our world.

Holding a space of equanimity, while letting go of toxic behaviors, relationships, agreement fields and patterns, refreshes our ability to earnestly pray for the new beginnings and opportunities that will support the flourishing of our hearts and lives.

My prayer for all of us at this auspicious time begins with finding our way home and letting our hearts lead the way.

I woke up the other morning feeling disoriented... totally and utterally lost, actually. I wrote in my gratitude and goal journals, and rose to meet the day. By the time I went out on my favorite running meditation loop, it was already in the triple digits. But hey, I was already burning inside - I figured I could formalize it and have the elements cook me out of my head as well. And that they did.

The first couple of miles snaked through dense Sonoran desert arollo. I was graced by the medicine of lizards, quail, rabbits and roadrunners. I know my way instinctively through these trails, and recognize the curves of the canyon, like my own body. Then, the loop climbs out of the canyon and onto a high foothills neighborhood with gorgeous, monstrous homes.

Holding the space of equanimity, I transitioned from the unity of nature to the duality of the marketplace. I was in a maze of streets and grid of suburbia. It is beautiful, don't get me wrong. Bougainvillea blooming in bright fuchsias, reds and purples, majestic saguaros and ocotillos reaching skyward and landscaping abundant with bubbling water features surrounded me. And spectacular mountain views!

The funny thing is that the loop returns to my house on a sort of convoluted route, that no matter how many times I take it "seems" misdirected. By my mental compass, it appears to be taking me in the "wrong" direction, yet by my heart intuition, I know, it is the "right" way. Even though I feel I might be lost, it inevitably leads me "home," every time.

There is no guilt or shame in this metaphor, of losing and finding our way, of being confused and disoriented on a life path. There is simply a burning to find the essence, and return home, again and again. That is the heart of my sadhana. That is the heart of my full moon prayer for us and that is the segue into the wisdom story I am about to share with you.

I call it the touchstone story. It is based on a true story, told by Radhanath Swami at BhaktiFest, and retold today, innovated with my biases and filters. Regardless, it comes with love. May you take from it whatever is yours to receive.

There was once a wise holy man who was formally a very wealthy consultant to a prime minister. He had accumulated financial treasures, land, homes, livestock and wealth beyond measure. He was highly respected and sought after for his counsel. He reached a point of awakening on his life journey where devotion and the love of God became primary. He chose to relinquish his worldly responsibilities in the marketplace.

The prime minister who depended on his
counsel was furious and imprisoned him, so that he could maintain access to him, expanding his own wealth and power. Finally, this holy man escaped the prison. He became a fugitive, running from the law, giving up everything he had earned and known, in order to have his God life.

He ran to
safety and found sanctuary under the shade of a mango tree far, far away. There he lived on top of a hill under a tree, in total devotion and communion with the divine. Now, there was a villager who wanted wealth and success above all else. In his ambitious search for a better life, he came across a seer who told him of this holy man and the "touchstone" he had in his possession that would turn everything into gold. The villager set out to find him and did. When he approached the holy man, he was surprised to see that he was a simpleton, in a loin cloth, somehow happy, even ecstatic with just being under this tree.

He said to him, "I hear you have a touchstone. But if you do, why do you live so
simply and have no signs of wealth around you?"

The holy man replied that he had infinite
wealth, beyond measure, and had no use for the touchstone anymore.

"Well, "said the Villager,
"I want wealth, I want money and fame and success. Where is that touchstone? Can I have it?" "Yes, you can," said the holy man. "It is in that large heap of garbage on the other side of the hill, near the river."

The villager, ran to the garbage heap and dove in, searching madly for the
touchstone. He sorted through all kinds of funk and rot until he found the touchstone! He frantically ran down the hill and went on to amass gold, homes, land, abundant wealth, and fame. He was surrounded by more wealth than he ever could have imagined or dreamed of, yet he was still not happy. He went back to the sacred hill and found the holy man once again...still sitting in ecstasy, at one with God.

The villager said,
"Holy man, I have all this wealth, but I am still not happy. What is it that YOU have? I want what you have. If you gave up this touchstone and all the wealth that came with it, surely, you must have something better. I want it. "

The holy man smiled and said, "I will
gladly give you what I have, but you must be willing to let go of the touchstone. You must be willing to throw it in the river. Can you do that?"

"I don't know," said the villager. I
have never had it so well. I have so much wealth and power. What if it does not get any better than this? I don't know if I can throw away the touchstone." After working with his own greed, fear and attachment, the villager finally plunged the touchstone into the river and came running back to the holy man. "I am ready", he said, "Give me what you have. Give me what is better."

The holy
man gave him the Maha Mantra: Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare, which promised eternal, unlimited, ecstatic communion with the Divine.

According to Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupâda, "Chanting this mantra brings transcendental consciousness...this maha-mantra, or the Great Chanting for Deliverance, brings one into divine
ecstasy. "

And so, this is the heart of the wisdom story...whatever your path, mantra, prayer or practice, find one that is a direct taproot to the ONE. Are you willing to give up what you thought was the best thing in life, relationships, reality you ever had...for something better? For the only real and everlasting love?

What, if anything have you settled for in your life, believing it is the best it can ever get? Have you settled for an egoic drive, a limiting paradigm, a toxic mimic of real truth, real love, real possibility of awakening?

Where, if at all, have you lied to or betrayed yourself, self-medicated or agreed to stay in a comfortable yet medicocre state? Where, if at all, could you let go, surrender
and dive deeper into your own embodiment of divine love, light and communion? You decide.
Your heart knows the way home.

Me? That touch stone is deep in the bottom of the river. And though I may find another, and another, I will keep tossing them away and going for the real touchstone and only lasting treasure of the heart...the eternal presence.

Radhanath Swami says "Real spiritual life is not necessarily about changing our position in society. It is about transforming our hearts....overcoming selfishness and learning the beauty and art of seva, selfless service...Spirituality is meant to transform arrogance into humility, greed into generosity, vengeance into forgiveness, hate into love, criticism into appreciation, hopelessness into hopefulness...It is meant to transform us into becoming instruments of the inner peace that is in our heart with God...That is the real journey home."

This full moonrise, I will be chanting the maha mantra. I will be honoring the marketplace as well as the natural world with equanimity. I will open a space to embody the divine marriage of both material and spiritual wealth. I will pray to utilize the embodiment of that abundant wealth to serve the world, from a full and healthy heart.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Be The Big Love



"Creating an extraordinary existence depends upon the energy that we select to weave into the fabric of our life.... the continual attraction and encompassing of higher energy that increases the vitality of our life."
Rudi–Behind the Cosmic Curtain

As I sit down to write today, I am feeling the metaphoric power of life in the desert. Sometimes our inner and outer teachings get so hot! The heat of the fire is searing, "beastly," (as a visitor to Tucson once remarked). It is at this point some say, "I am outta' here." We bail on a relationship or challenging situation just when staying in the fire would bring break through into new beauty and power. If we allow it, the heat can quicken us; the burn, enlighten us - transmute us. Is it any wonder that fire is cross culturally an element of transformation?

July in Tucson reflects this energy. If we are willing to stick around and keep showing up (just when we think it could not get any hotter), the monsoons arrive - quenching the thirsty earth. Monsoons are glorious. Cacti fruit and bloom in bright, amazing colors, rainbow sunsets delight, creeks flow again and the golden twilight opens portals into new dimensions...

It is from this beautifully satiated, hot, breakthrough place, that I bring you The Big Love.

Disclaimer: As usual, do not believe a word I say. Feel what rings true in your heart. The Big Love is not gushy, mushy, woo woo. It is not always comfortable, or enjoyable. It can get hot, even intolerable to the parts of us that need to burn and die, to the egoic cling-on hold to all that does not serve our evolution.

The Big Love is a growing machine. It wants our Big Life, our Divine Life, our most ALIVE LIVING.
It is not for the faint of heart or multi-dimensionally lazy.

Over the past few weeks, the Big Love has been the recurring theme-thread that wove through over a dozen intuitive sessions in my work as well as many personal conversations. The cultural Dreaming clear, the message so strong; shown to me over and over again; "Be the Big Love". While the applications were different, the remedy was the same: "Be the Big Love."

Everybody wants a lived experience of being the Big Love. And why not? The Big Love is our natural state. It is what we are born for, wired for...it's what we belong to and where we belong. It's our most primal existence. It is a relaxation in our nervous systems, where we are at rest, at home in the Source. Being the Big Love creates a state of presence in the play of consciousness where the mind and senses, in full color and flavor, bloom as servants of the heart. The Big Love is the current of grace we ride through the sea of intuition and universal love.

Does this sound too "touchy feely?" You bet. The Big Love is about touching and being touched by life! It is about feeling fully alive, feeling truth, feeling inspired, and feeling life pulse in every cell.

Disclaimer #2, Even when it does not feel "good," it is still possible to feel fully alive.

Tap the God of your understanding and ask to be guided to living the Big Love! What does this look like for you? What does the Big Love want from you? What gifts does it offer you?

Ask these questions and then allow this free flow of Big Love energy to guide you in the improvisation of life. Be spontaneous, fresh and unrehearsed. Be unleashed freedom with sacred containment. Delight in this. Savor it. Be awed by all that arises, and falls within it.

BIG LOVE ACTIVATION!
  • Extend Radical Forgiveness. Yes, forgive everything.
  • Extend Radical Self Permission. Allow full access and expression to your whole being.
  • Be Vulnerable. Reveal. Admit. Show your true colors, full spectrum, full chakra.
  • Be Lived. Delight, savor, relish, bask, luxuriate in the Divine, as you understand it.
  • Be Held in the God of Your Heart. Source your living from this place.
  • Distill Wisdom from the wounds of your history, transmute poisons into medicine.
  • Liberate Attention once stuck in the past. The present moment thrives on your free attention; it uses it as building material for magic and miracles.
  • Follow the Dreaming and Mystical Realms.
  • Maintain a Supple, Healthy Body.
  • Surround Yourself in Beauty.
  • Surround Yourself in Love.
  • Tell Yourself the Truth.
  • Sing Your Soul Song. Chant, Vocalize.
  • Embrace Tears and Laughter equally and unconditionally.
  • Play. Be Silly, Goof.
  • Touch and Be Touched.
  • Live in a State of Gratitude.
  • Choose Big Love. Don't wait for some one or some thing outside of you to show up first. You be it. You choose it.
  • Remember the Big Love - ReActivate if life feels shrunken, dull or stuck.
  • Let Everything Drink of the Big Love.
Practice this, as I am, and witness a recalibration of your life.

You are the Big Love.
Get it while it's Hot!





Monday, April 5, 2010

Your Second Chance at LIFE is Here, Now.


Lately the offering of heartache as blessing has been strong in my psychic/dreaming space. Today's post comes with loving intentions that it will touch a place in you that needs to bloom open.

Five years ago, in 2005 I was pregnant. I was thrilled, terrified, excited and awed. At 13 weeks , just past my first trimester, I started bleeding and over the course of the next 24 hours, painfully labored and miscarried.

The mystery of life and death moved through me. I plummeted into a deep depression and crisis of faith. I found myself grief stricken, broken hearted, confused and angry. For the next many months, I found it challenging to get out of bed and face the day. Residing in the world of the living felt hard and heavy and I wished at times that life would just go on without me.

Thanks to the love of community and engagement in creative expression and sacred movement I was able to embrace this passage with breath. It was a dark wormhole of transformation. I cried an ocean of tears during that time and I often wondered if my true joy and trust in life would ever return.

That season:
  • I humbly learned that being in "God's Grace" did not mean always having "my way".

  • I discovered that my broken heart was more of a being broken open. My capacity to love, was expanded beyond measure.

  • I embraced and honored the sober reality of death and the temporal nature of so many aspects of life on Earth.

  • I was returned to the Source of what is Eternal.

  • I was able to see, even in the depths of it, that I was being held in grace all along, and that this devastating experience was actually an offering. As beloved sister, teacher, Vanessa Stone would say, it was my perfect prescription for awakening.
That miscarriage was my first intimate experience with death. Moving with and through that process deepened me spiritually and matured me emotionally. It served my evolution in countless ways, that in turn, allow me to serve others. Death and loss became my calling to life... to fully receiving and being alive.

For many months I grappled with fears. I was afraid to open up and trust life and love again. I was afraid of pregnancy. Would I even be able to conceive? Would I be able to carry full term? Could I handle going through this ordeal again? Would I ever get another chance?

There was a turning point where I tuned into a cellular wisdom that said that as long as I was still breathing, it was my responsibility to give my best to life. I remember weeping while listening to Second Chance, a song by Deva Premal and Miten. It pierced right through me and spoke directly to my heart... (Take a listen). My fetus had died. The dream of how that particular reality might unfold had died...but I was still alive. I realized that as long as I was still living, I belonged to life! This was my second chance. Right here, right now.

And so, I became a devotee of life. DEVOTED...to the core.

Fast forward to last week, March 31, 2010. Kenya, Talia and I attended an amazing Kirtan concert of Krishna Das and Deva Premal and Miten. We all relaxed into a sweet communion of devotional chanting. At one point, Miten started strumming that beautiful song... "And my heart whispered inside, the moon rose and the angels sighed...and they said,
Here comes your second chance, you better believe it. Open up and receive it...Take a deep breath, this is your second chance."
In a flash of memory and a flood of tears, the entire experience I just shared swept through my heart, bursting it open even more. I had come full circle. My 3 year old daughter was cuddled sleeping on my lap. I had gotten my second chance at pregnancy, at motherhood, at life. In total trust, in pure love, in deep gratitude, I wept and sang my way through the rest of the concert.

Whatever the circumstances of our heartache, we all endure our darkest nights. And, with grace, we do come out the other side. Perhaps, like me, you have discovered that we are capable of accessing infinite "second chances". As Miten said last week, "every deep breath is a second chance". As long as we are alive, it is never too late to detangle knots of contraction, worry, or fear...To dislodge clogs of grudge, bitterness or hurt...To soften a hardened heart and surrender...To receive ourselves as devotees of life as we move on as love. This awesome great mystery of life, of living and dying all within eternal being, is a boundless well of blessing and opportunity.

What does your heart whisper inside? Need a second chance? Here it is...

"...And we all come and go like waves in the sea each with our own responsibility to leave this world more beautiful than we found it..."